Book Review: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Hinduism by Linda Johnsen

Misc Scripture | 11 November 2020

When it comes Hinduism, everyone is an idiot, especially us in the west. All I desired was to jump directly into the Vedas, but everyone told me that would be a waste of time. Those scriptures (and indeed this entire belief system) is so monumentally complex that it'd be impossible to comprehend these texts unless someone eases you in. Alright then, Linda Johnson. Ease me in.

As it turns out, Linda was the perfect voice for the job. Her love for this religion is evident through a casual, gleeful style, reflecting the cheerfulness of Hinduism precisely. When considering the rich details covering such a vast amount of ground, it'd be tricky for a guide to balance comprehensiveness with cohesiveness, but the determination of the author is unmistakable. The logical ordering, creative analogies, quotes from sages, advice for tourists, definitions of unfamiliar terms, and silly quizzes all combine to reaffirm how superior Hinduism is as a faith.

And I do mean superior. Every other religion appears stupid in comparison. If you map it back, all divine theologies fundamentally branch off Hinduism because Hinduism came first as the oldest practised religion in the world. But as each timeline went on, they dumb down the ideas and hacked mystical pieces off by dictating strange rules and focusing on specific holy men. These meandering distractions have achieved very little except feeding into an individual's ego and creating barriers between spiritual quests.

Hinduism is different. It is a pursuit of enlightenment which welcomes all religions as genuine paths to God without any interest in converting anyone nor opposing their stance. Instead, it's a dedication of surprisingly scientific hypothesis, primary an exploration of thought and consciousness until we touch the midpoint where the mind connects to the greater cosmos. It's pantheistic because the Universe is the collective God. It's monotheistic in the ultimate reality of Brahman. And it's polytheistic with its imaginative (millions of!) deities, granting us easier influence over the laws of nature. God is inconceivable! There are no rules! Worship however you feel!

The evolution of society's spirituality is more akin to a devolution. Only recently, the cycle of understanding is coming back around to these ancient teachings. New Age movements are latching onto prophet-less perceptions of unified divinity starting from within. The philosophical musings of reality as an illusion of the mind has exploded thanks to studies of quantum physics. The masses of people discovering spiritual liberation through yoga, meditation, or vegetarianism skyrockets annually. Conversations about sexual freedom and gender inclusion in religions still feel like modern notions. But these standards are woven deep into Hinduism's fabric, predating every other practised religion by thousands of years yet remaining further ahead than all of them. It's limitless in its relevancy! We've lost our way! India is and always has been the way!!

Of course, it's not exclusively lotus flowers and Omness, for there are particular issues that don't sit well within our western values. The caste segregation of citizens is a particularly troubling example. Arranged marriages are another. And while the abundance of female deities should ricochet into society, women do have it much harder. Then again, the west fucked India so hard that it isn't our place to say much, is it? And I fill with vomit because of what the British did. Where would India be without us? Somewhere magical and very powerful, that's for sure.

Like any religious writing, I finished this book charged by a curious mix of intimidation and determination. I have such a long way to go with my spirituality, but teachings like Hinduism prove that the answer is not only out there but is so worthy of the pursuit. I have gradually built my own religious philosophy named Janthopoyism (look us up!), and I am embarrassed at how it is basically Hinduism repackaged. If you're open to the accounts offered by Linda's work, then Hindu sages have accessed immense spiritual levels far above our material realms, and those methods have shifted Janthopoyism scripture considerably. In my core understandings of the Universe, I am a Hindu, and the only thing I want to do is go back to India and meditate until I explode.